Separating yourself From Your Fears

Everyone has fears… whether they choose to recognize them or not.

It is not about having fears that defines a person; it is how they deal with their fears that define them.

We are socially conditioned to believe that we have to be fearless and to not give into them. And yet, even with this belief steering our minds we still quietly suffer in the illusion that we are all powerful and stronger than our fears.

What is the result of believing that we are stronger than our fears?

Sadly, the result is that the fears win.

By not recognizing them and, most importantly, taking ownership of our own fears, we undermine our ability to understand how they affect our lives or do anything about them. And they do affect us moment by moment and day by day until we drop dead as a result of the illusion.

For those of us who have been born into seriously dysfunctional environments, we are even more prone to suffering from the ravages of our innermost fears. However, this is only true if we elect to allow this belief to be true for us and choose to do nothing about them.

One of the amazing things about the human mind is that it is able to see the world however it chooses. If we believe that we can do nothing about the results of the rearing we received as children, then we are likely to suffer the results of our fears. The results can be anything from a really poor outlook on life, to suffering from a myriad of diseases throughout our lives to living a life of crime and so forth.

Fear causes chemicals to be released from our hormonal system in proportion to the amount of fear that is currently in play in our mind. As in any situation, an unhealthy amount of any chemical in our body over a prolonged period of time will produce disease or at least a great deal of discomfort and stress.

I am very fortunate in that I learned at a very early age that I did not like to feel discomfort, pain or stress. Of course, coming from a childhood filled with sexual abuse and family violence I was filled to more than capacity with fear. Instead of drowning in the fears, I chose to figure out how to get past them.

So how did I manage to get past the fears in my life and learn to keep myself relatively stress free and healthy?
By learning how to manage my mind and all the crazy thoughts that float through it.

By learning to observe the goings-on in my mind I have been able to (for the most part) limit the effect of the fears I have learned and to emphasize the good thoughts that enable me to live in a healthy state (most of the time) and diffuse the effects of the undesirable thoughts.

What did I learn in this process that I can pass on to you?

1. I am in charge of my mind and have the capacity at all times to manage what I am thinking. I can dismiss a thought
or emphasize a thought by choice.
2. I am not my thoughts. My thoughts in no way identify who I am or how I express myself.
3. I am not obligated to act out thoughts that appear in my head.
4. We only have the ability to scrutinize and manage the thoughts that develop in our minds. Human beings do not have
the ability to create thought. In fact, many thoughts are manifested through environmental forces such as poor
eating habits or a badly run digestive system.
5. Through education and living our lives we manifest thought patterns related to our living choices.
6. Being aware of how we think and the consequences of our chosen actions our thoughts manifest and we create our lives.
7. By consciously managing our thoughts through awareness and consciously choosing which thoughts to diffuse and which
to empower we can and do create a life more to our personal liking.
8. The only time we are without stress of some form in our lives is about 2 minutes after we die. The only thing we can
do with stress is learn the lessons stress is trying to teach us in our lives so that we can live more in harmony
with ourselves and the life we are developing.

I could probably expand this list further but I hope you get the point. We develop fears in our childhood as a result of our mind trying to protect us in its very best way. Unless those fears are recognized and accounted for, they will play in the expression of our lives right up to the end.

By recognizing and taking ownership of our fears we can reduce their effect on our lives. Most importantly, with the recognition must come action, action to change the outcome of the energy of the fear.

Please recognize that the process of reframing your mind out of fear is a life time project. If you try to eliminate all fear at once, you will fail. Besides some fears are good since they are meant to keep you alive and safe.

What I suggest is that you make a list of the fears you know that play in your life. Prioritize them. Be realistic with them. Determine which ones are important enough to do something about, and then set out to discover how you can change them.
In order to really change anything that goes in your mind, you will need to be willing to be open to revealing the situation(s) that caused the fear originally so you can take the power out of the memory. Remember these thoughts are just things in your head and cannot hurt you. Start with easy stuff.

Don’t try to overcome your big fears on your own. Find a good counselor so that you can set up a safe environment before opening the vaults to the skeletons in your closet.

There are some things you can do on your own. One of my pet fears was a fear of being hit by other people. All a person had to do was raise their arm near me and I would automatically put myself in defensive posture with my arms up in front of my face. It became particularly apparent (and embarrassing) when I went into protective mode when a friend of mine was just being physically descriptive as she walked toward me.

I decided right then that this business had to stop. I knew it was caused by an innate need to protect myself from my father who thought hitting kids was a good hobby. When I gave recognition to this knowledge I chose to change the belief by telling myself repeatedly every time it occurred that I was safe and protected. I then consciously chose to stand tall and open rather than falling into the old habit of cowering. People can now wave their hands in front of me all they want.

Sometimes just changing the end result (the physical expression) consciously as often as you remember each time the situation occurs, you can force the belief to change. Most important as you do this process is to breathe deeply as you consciously make the change. The breathing causes a cellular memory change by infusing a “toxic” thought with clean air thereby diffusing the pollution carried by the belief.

Taking ownership of your mind and all its activities is crucial for moving forward in your life. Giving yourself the space and time to reframe your beliefs is essential as it is a lifelong project. Giving yourself loving support and getting professional support as necessary is a must because your own personal safety on every level of your being can never be overestimated.

The end result of learning to manage your mind and the fears that surface are peace of mind, improved health, better relationships with yourself and others, a better, healthier outlook on life and greater prosperity. Everything we were born to have.

I have written two books ( Embracing the Blend and Stamp Out Stress) that are available through the website bookstore which provide many great ideas and tools for overcoming fears and learning to manage your mind that really work easily and quickly.

Wishing you good mental health and a great life.

Monty