I was done with carrying the name of a man I despised.
My first memory in this life was of my father beating the crap out of my older brother. Great way to start a life! And it only got worse from there!
My father was a very abusive man. He mercilessly beat on my brother and me regularly until that great day when my brother was 16. Our father was furious over some frivolous thing again. He reached out to do my brother in again but my brother was faster. He took off across the house and up the stairs with our father hot behind.
Then the blow that changed our history was delivered. As our father charged up the stairs, my brother turned around at the top and drove his fist into our father’s face as hard as he could. A few seconds later, a very shocked man lay crumpled at the bottom of the stairs. He never hit any of us again.
Our father was physically violent but more importantly, he perpetrated emotional and sexual violence with no regard to whom or how he caused injury. He was a man out of control.
Eventually, his history caught up to him. The sad part was he managed to skip bail after being charged with 37 counts of contributing to juvenile delinquency and other such charges. He lived out his life without ever taking ownership of his choices.
The same was not true for his children, in particular my older brother and our sisters. I was luckier, being the middle child and a boy; I was shielded from the worst. My siblings struggle to this day, 40+ years later with the beliefs and memories that were unjustly beaten into their memories at a time that was supposed to be “The Wonder Years”.
Even though I was spared the worst of this invasion, I still suffered from the effects of trauma, both first and second hand. Although I am getting better, I still struggle with relationships of all kinds.
Fortunately, because of my interest in human functionality and metaphysics I have learned how to change many of my childhood beliefs that darkened my view of life for so many years.
For over 40 years now I have studied, practiced and tried to understand metaphysical and esoteric practices, energetic healing, psychology and emotional/core belief healing and practical living. As a positive note to it all, I attribute this strong interest to my never ending desire to end the pain I have felt throughout my life and to live a healthier life as far away from abuse as possible.
Although there is still a long way to go, I progressively feel much better about life as I realize the stories I told myself for so many years just are not true. I know I am a lovable and worthwhile person no matter what happened in the past.
The best result of this life is the realization and development of many tools and techniques that really have helped in my process of feeling safer and better. It is my pleasure to share them with you.
Throughout the pages of this website, those of us who submit stories and information wish you the greatest success in letting go of and changing the results of your personal story as you come to understand your truth and claim the power within that is your divine right.
In several of my blogs, I speak in a less than positive manner about the value of churches and religion in reclaiming your personal power. Please understand and accept that I am not against churches or organized religion. I am however, very adamant that one must choose to associate only with organizations that best promote individual self empowerment that is healthy for all and does not promote the old belief that others know what is best for each of us as individuals or that some people are of a different status for whatever reason. All people are born equal.