I think it is safe to say that there is not one person on this planet that would choose to be born into an abusive situation, whether it is any of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or sexual abuse.
As human beings, we are programmed to not like pain or suffering, however, at the hands of people who do not understand how their actions affect the lives of others, we have suffered.
It does not make the pain or suffering any easier to know that the perpetrators meant no harm, “I was just out of control” they say. Or “I was scared”. Perpetrators don’t mean to do harm and they are out of control but none the less, the damage is done and we are the ones who have to live with it.
It is very, very important for each of us who has suffered at the hands of another to understand and take the necessary action to release ourselves from the misery of this past. Please understand that each of us has the ability and the tools to get past our history. All we have to do is be willing to take action. Action based in the desire to feel better and to live a “normal” life.
It is very fortunate for all of us that I am the kind of person who has always questioned life and the activities that occur on this plane. I also do not like pain, in myself or in others. Due to this fact, I have spent over 40 years of my adult life questioning and pondering and searching to find how I could feel better. Luckily, I have found some success. Now I will share what I have learned so you can feel better as well.
Before I tell you how I manage my life so I can get past the pain of abuse, I want you to understand a couple of important truths. First of all, no person is their past or has to be tied to their past. We can let it go. Pretty soon, I am going to tell you how I do it.
Secondly, I want you to understand that we are not re-writing your past, some days will still be pretty awful and some days will be great. What you need to understand in this is that you always have the choice about how you do your day. Some are just easier than others. The outcome we want is to be able to create more better days and to change the bad days when we choose and we remember.
So here goes.
The first thing to understand, as I said just a brief minute ago, you are not your past; it is just where you came from. In fact, you are not really anything in your life. You just are. You are the clear light and energy you feel when you take the time to be quiet and let yourself feel how your being or body feels without touching it. Please don’t worry if you do not understand this. I will explain.
Next, and this is absolutely critical to the process is understanding that you can manage your thoughts by separating who you think you are from the thoughts you have about yourself. This process means that you take responsibility for your identity and your thoughts by learning to separate one from the other. This requires self-responsibility and positive action.
You are not a victim of abuse. You are not a victim at all. You are a wonderful human being that has lived through a very difficult and likely tragic event.
In order to change your self identity it is necessary for you to become aware of how you think and talk about yourself and treat yourself.
It is critical that you be good to yourself in this process. After all, you have spent many years unconsciously telling yourself a story that is not true about yourself so it is going to take time to make a difference that you will notice. And… the pain you are so familiar with is not going to want to go away voluntarily because it has become a familiar friend.
When you realize that you are feeling bad about yourself or your mind is full of thoughts that undermine you’re feeling good, then it is important that you stop the thought in its tracks. Please understand that thoughts do not have any power when they stand alone. They require emotion and habituation to exist.
By recognizing thoughts that do not support your new self-image, you can stop the thought just by choosing to (just like applying the brakes on your car). The other thing you can do is override the thought by replacing it with a more suitable thought.
Most important is to recognize how you are feeling. By recognizing when you are feeling bad, you create the opportunity to change the feeling. The earlier in the phase of feeling bad you catch the feeling and do something about it; the easier it is to change it. The more often you catch it and make the change, the easier it gets… creating a new habit.
It is not wrong to feel bad. It is only wrong to feel bad a lot. By taking the time to go to a quiet place in side yourself to feel your own energy, you can bring your feelings back up to a good level. The more time you spend getting to know your energy field (how you feel energetically), the better you will feel. Much better than using alcohol, drugs or other people to “feel better”.
As you become more adept at catching yourself when you slide down and consciously bringing yourself back up in energy, you will find that your life is much more peaceful and happy. The people around you will also be happier. And most important , you will feel much more alive!
It is so important that you be good to yourself in this process. It is not wrong to feel bad. Feeling bad just should not be the normal way you feel. Even after all the years of study, research and practice I still have bad days; because it is the old habit engrained into my belief system. However, when I remember that I do not have to feel bad, I have a tool to pick myself up that is always available and it is mine.
I have written two books along my journey that explain how I manage this mind of mine. They are available for purchase in my web store. Particularly, Stamp Out Stress is excellent for learning a powerful tool for managing your mind so you can have more happy days. The visualizations on the CD are simply amazing!
For now, just remember, you are not the person your mind tells you about based on your past, you are a wonderful person worthy of love and loving with a great gift to give to yourself and the world.
So let’s do the process. Find yourself a comfortable place where you can be alone and undisturbed for a while.
Sit comfortably with your feet on the floor and your back relatively straight, hands unclasped on your lap.
Focus on your breathing without trying to control it for a minute. Then start following it in and out of your body. Make sure you are breathing using your belly so your lungs get the most air.
As you follow your breathing let yourself feel your body and how it feels to be in your body. If there is any discomfort, adjust yourself or let it go (especially if it is your mind causing it).
Keep following your breath but focus your attention more and more on the feeling of being in your body. Try to feel that feeling beyond your physical body. This may take a few times but really all you have to do is believe you can feel it.
Now visualize a big yellow sun sitting above your head. Let the sunshine flow down into your head and all the way down your body into the ground. As the light flows into your body, let it wash any dark feelings away and into the ground.
When you feel that the dark energy is gone, let the sunlight flow down again feeding the feeling you have come to know so that it becomes stronger and you begin to feel better, more positive. Keep feeding the energy for as long as you wish.
Once you are done just take a nice deep breath and slowly open your eyes. Rest for a minute or two and let yourself enjoy the feeling. You can do this as often as you like. Feels good doesn’t it!
Please check out my other blogs for more information about how to get past the feelings of abuse.
I wish you great peace and fulfillment.